We all want to feel close, secure, and valued in our relationships. For people with attachment anxiety, this desire can feel especially intense—and when that need for connection feels threatened, it can trigger reactions that may seem confusing, even to the person experiencing them.

One of the more common ways attachment anxiety shows up is through what psychologists call protest behaviors. These actions are often attempts to get reassurance, closeness, or validation from a partner—but they may come out in ways that strain the very relationship they aim to protect.

Let’s take a closer look at how this works and, more importantly, how you can shift the cycle.

If you’ve ever found yourself having the same fight with your partner over and over, you’re not alone—and you’re not broken.

In Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), we see these repetitive arguments not as signs of dysfunction, but as attachment protests. They’re distress signals that say: “I need you, and I don’t feel safe or connected right now.”

Below are three of the most common negative cycles I see in couples therapy, along with practical ways to begin interrupting them in the moment.